Starting a New Relationship in Recovery

John Lennon famously said, “We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it, and you’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.” This is also true with relationships. It is also especially true with a relationship in recovery. Many people feel that they may never find love again in recovery. However, this is simply not the case. Being in recovery makes finding love and starting a new healthy relationship much more possible, and more meaningful.

Starting a New Relationship in Recovery

Now, starting a new relationship in recovery is not something that is going to happen overnight, nor should it. One should be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually fit in their recovery before starting a new relationship. An individual must also be confident that they are committed to doing the work that is required to keep their recovery fit and strong.

So, what does a “fit” recovery look like? It looks active and curious. This means that one should be utilizing many different means, methods, and modalities in their recovery to ensure that all of their bases are covered if they should ever feel “triggered” or find themselves in a situation that may cause a potential relapse. 

Also, many people don’t realize just how prevalent relapses are in recovery. According to the peer-reviewed thesis Addiction Relapse Prevention by Doctors Guenzel and McChargue, “One primary concern in addiction treatment is the high rate of relapses within a short period after even the most intensive treatment. Many studies have shown relapse rates of approximately 50% within the first 12 weeks after completion of intensive inpatient programs that often last 4 to 12 weeks or more and can cost tens of thousands of dollars.” This is why keeping one’s priorities straight in recovery is so important. This may include priorities that come before one’s relationship in recovery.

Starting a New Relationship in Recovery: Keeping One’s Priorities Straight

There is a reason that many people in recovery utilize the phrase “easy does it.” This is because it is important not to get too overwhelmed in recovery by making a bunch of unrealistic lists and goals too early. Yes, goals are a critical part of recovery, and one should always have vast and exciting goals. However, early in recovery, one’s goal may simply be to stay sober “one day at a time,” and doing so should be considered an exceptional success.

This is also why many people recommend that one should shy away from starting a romantic relationship in the first year of one’s recovery. This is because it can be distracting from the ultimate goal of long-term sobriety. (Of course, it is important to remember that it is only a suggestion.) Avoiding starting relationships early in recovery is also important because many people are emotionally vulnerable in early recovery, and this could make them easy targets to be taken advantage of – the last thing that anyone wants interrupting their recovery. This is why keeping recovery “front and center” is so important.

Starting a New Relationship in Recovery: Keeping Treatment Front and Center

So, what does keeping treatment front and center actually look like? It should look structured and strategic. For example, one should have a schedule of when and where their various treatments are and focus on always attending them. These appointments may include psychotherapy and experiential therapy appointments. They may also include a schedule that includes mindfulness meditation, trips to the gym, and yoga therapy. It is also important to keep one’s dietary health front and center. Nutrition therapy can help.

A focus on one’s diet is as much about what food is kept out of the diet as the food that is kept in. According to the Journal for Nurse Practitioners (JNP), “Nutritional Therapy uses food to prevent and reverse diseases that plague most western societies: diabetes, obesity, heart disease, arthritis, and depression. In order for food to be therapeutic, it must be nutrient-dense, measured in part by the nutrients and anti-nutrients contained in consumed foods. Nutrients are plant and animal sources providing macronutrients (protein, carbohydrates, fat), micronutrients (vitamins, minerals, phytochemicals, antioxidants, probiotics), and fiber,” and “Anti-Nutrients are food products that have no biological necessity.” 

That is why we focus on keeping toxic foods out of our diets at Exclusive Hawaii Rehab. Here at Exclusive Hawaii Rehab, we believe in the maxim, “Food is medicine.” This is why all of our meals are nutrient-dense and focus on organic and local ingredients. However, that does not mean that our food is bland and tasteless. We have hired world-class chefs to prepare all of our meals with a focus on taste and satiation. All of our meals are also created on an individualized basis tailored for each and every client. This is one way that we work with our clients to ensure that their needs are met.

Starting a New Relationship in Recovery: Working With Others

Working with others in recovery is a crucial component of success. The act of working with others is so important that they have even named a chapter after it in the primary text of 12-Step recovery (commonly referred to as the Big Book). The chapter is actually entitled, “Working With Others.”

The chapter states, “Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends – this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it; frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.”

Working with others is also an ideal way to get connected to healthy relationships. While, if one puts in the work in their recovery, they can do anything, be around anybody, and be any place, it is also important to be smart and not wind up in potentially triggering situations. Staying connected to others in recovery can help one avoid these situations and also introduce them to new, healthy people and places. They can also help remind an individual of their ultimate goals.

Starting a New Relationship in Recovery: Keeping an Eye on One’s Goals

Pablo Picasso famously said, “Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.” Sometimes, starting a new relationship too early can interrupt these plans.

One must always remember to keep their recovery front and center. This can be hard when other temptations come along. Many people find that when they recover from alcohol use disorder (AUD) and/or substance use disorder (SUD), they want to fill a “void” with something else. If one does not have a healthy recovery plan, this “filler” can be toxic. It may include “retail therapy” (also known as shopping addiction), over-exercise, or an online addiction. It may also include a sex addiction.

Many people in recovery look for a sense of validation (especially if they are struggling with their treatment plan). For some, this validation may come from sexual encounters or simply seeking sexual encounters. This is why it is important to understand one’s motivations when it comes to starting a new relationship in recovery. To be sure one’s motivations are pure, one must first focus on healing at the cellular level.

Healing at the Cellular Level

So, what does healing at the cellular level look like? Ultimately, it looks like the healing of every aspect of the capital “S” Self.” This means healing the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual components of the Self at the same time.

This is also known as the multi-angled holistic approach to recovery (“holistic” meaning “whole self”). For this complete healing, one must focus on utilizing as many means methods, and modalities as possible. This includes psychotherapies like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), experiential therapies like nature immersion therapy and art therapy, and Eastern holistic healing methods like yoga therapy and mindfulness meditation. All of these methods should always be utilized based on individual needs via individualized planning. 

The Importance of Comprehensive and Individualized Addiction Care

Unfortunately, many recovery centers only focus on their financial bottom line, not taking into account the needs of their clients. The reality is that recovery is now a multi-billion dollar industry, and within it, there exist a lot of bad actors. These bad actors rarely take into account individual needs and only offer “one-note” overarching recovery plans that, more often than not, miss the mark.

Here at Exclusive Hawaii Rehab, we know that this type of recovery and these types of treatment plans rarely work. That is why all of our plans are individualized and comprehensive, with a focus on getting to the root/core causes of one’s addiction.

Getting to the Root/Core Causes of Addiction

Many people are confused about the realities of addiction. These people are often the same ones who feel that addiction is some type of moral failing or “choice.” This is simply not the case. Addiction is a disease. Addiction has more in common with other chronic diseases like cancer, heart disease, and diabetes than it does with a choice. The reality is that, like other chronic diseases, without some form of professional intervention, addiction almost always gets worse and rarely better. This is why getting to the root/core causes of addiction is so important. However, to get to these root/core causes, one must also be able to spot the signs and symptoms of addiction.

Addictions are complex diseases, and, yes, as previously mentioned, they are diseases. Now, of course, the signs and symptoms of these addictions are going to vary based on the individual. However, there are some universal signs that someone may be struggling. The following are just a few of those universal signs and symptoms:

• Feeling overly anxious, nervous, or “stressed out”
• Isolating away from family and close friends
• Losing interest in activities once enjoyed
• Loss of appetite and sudden changes in weight (loss or gain)
• Struggles with sleep cycles, including sleeping too much and not sleeping enough (hypersomnia and insomnia)
• Having feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, or hopelessness
• Feeling depressed
• Engaging in other risky behaviors
• Exhibiting excessive mood swings
• Not being able to stop using and drinking once started
• Harming oneself or others
• Having suicidal ideations

As one can see, addiction should never be minimized. It can be life or death. This is why if any, many, or all of these symptoms are present it is important to seek professional help as soon as possible. Doing so could mean the difference between short-term side effects and long-term consequences. The good news is that there is hope and help. One form of help is psychotherapy.

Healing With Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy can be particularly useful in treating addiction because it gets to the underlying issues that were previously mentioned. This type of therapy works to show an individual the negative way that they have long viewed themselves and the world around them. Once this revelation is made, then an individual can start to make changes.

Psychotherapy helps an individual to change their underlying cognitions (thoughts) and emotions (feelings) so they can ultimately change their addictive behaviors (actions). Doing this work also makes an individual much more ready to take on a new relationship in recovery. Experiential therapies like art therapy can also help prepare one for making new relationships in recovery.

Healing With Experiential Therapy

As its name suggests, experiential therapy is more about real-life experiences than it is about sitting down and discussing one’s issues (though this can be a major part of it). These experiences can help an individual understand more about themselves and their motivations for wanting to start a new relationship. Art therapy can really help to get an individual to this place. This is especially true if they are struggling with co-occurring disorders of addiction and mental health.

Co-occurring disorders of addiction and mental health are much more common than many people may think. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), “7.7 million adults have co-occurring mental and substance use disorders…. Of the 20.3 million adults with substance use disorders, 37.9% also had mental illnesses,” and “Among the 42.1 million adults with mental illness, 18.2% also had substance use disorders.” 

A therapy involving art can address these co-occurring issues. According to the peer-reviewed journal Cureus, “Art therapy is used most commonly to treat mental illnesses and can aid in controlling manifestations correlated with psychosocially challenging behaviors, slowing cognitive decline, and enhancing the quality of life. [It] can help people express themselves more freely, improve their mental health, and improve interpersonal relationships. The basis of art therapy is established on the idea that people can recover and feel better via artistic expression.” Yes, it can truly help one heal and begin relationships in recovery.

Healing With Holistic Modalities

There are also many types of holistic healing methods that can be particularly helpful. These methods include yoga therapy, acupuncture, mindfulness meditation, and massage therapy.

These modalities can help one to find a healthy “center,” reduce stress, and alleviate tension. These are all ideal when it comes to being in the right “head-space” for starting a new relationship.

The Importance of Long-Term Success at Exclusive Hawaii Rehab

Here at Exclusive Hawaii Rehab, we believe in long-term success over short-term “fixes.” That is why we always keep the long-term goals of our clients in mind, including relationship goals.

Recovery and new relationships are out there and waiting. The key is to go out there and get them.

Starting new relationships in recovery can feel scary. This is understandable – there are a lot of changes that one goes through on their recovery journey. The good news is that, with the right treatment and the right actions, starting a new relationship in recovery can be a beautiful thing. If you feel like you or a loved one is struggling with issues of addiction, mental illness, or both, we can help get you on the right road to recovery right away. You don’t have to go through this process alone. For more information about starting new relationships in recovery, please reach out to Exclusive Hawaii Rehab today at (808) 775-0200.