How Do I Navigate Toxic People, Places, and Things in Recovery?

There is a traditional Hawaiin proverb that goes, “Aloha Aku No, Aloha Mai No.” This roughly translates to “I will give my love to you, you will give your love to me.” This is a critical component of successful long-term recovery. Reconnecting and making new connections with people who love us. However, many people in recovery find that they must be wary when it comes to navigating people, places, and things in recovery. There may be toxicity there that could lead to a relapse. The key is to keep a strong treatment plan in the forefront and then toxic things in recovery cannot corrupt.

Better Understanding Addiction

Addiction is more common than many people may realize. Millions of people struggle with addiction every day, and millions of people die from addiction every year. 

To better understand addiction, one must first understand that addiction is not something that someone “does.” It is not some type of “choice.” Yes, of course, taking that first drink or drug may be a conscious choice, but for those truly struggling with addiction, that choice to drink or drug or not went away a long time ago. The reality is that addiction is a disease, not a choice. It has more to do with other chronic diseases like cancer, diabetes, and heart disease than it does with a choice. Addiction is also a “family disease.” 

This means that it affects more than just the individual who is struggling. It affects everyone around that individual as well. According to the peer-reviewed journal Social Work in Public Health, “The family remains the primary source of attachment, nurturing, and socialization for humans in our current society. Therefore, the impact of substance use disorders (SUDs) on the family and individual family members merits attention. Each family and each family member is uniquely affected by the individual using substances including but not limited to having unmet developmental needs, impaired attachment, economic hardship, legal problems, emotional distress, and sometimes violence being perpetrated against him or her.” The entire family also needs recovery.

Better Understanding Recovery

The family is often the first to struggle when a loved one has an addiction. According to the peer-reviewed journal BMC Psychiatry, “When a family member enters the cycle of problems, the family, as the first group and institution, starts its support services for the individual, and since, in most cases, the family and its members do not have sufficient and specialized knowledge about the individual’s problem, they are under too much pressure. Maintenance, care, and support of a member with an injury and problem put a heavy burden on the shoulders of families, and since some families are not able to adapt to the problem and react appropriately to it, the family’s normal system and functioning are disturbed [.]”

Yes, recovery is a group effort. As the saying goes, “It takes a village.” The good news is that there are many effective means, methods, and modalities of recovery that can help the whole family heal. However, none of this healing can happen unless one is able to detect the signs and symptoms of addiction, of which there are many.

The Signs and Symptoms of Addiction

Now, it is important to understand that the signs and symptoms of addiction are going to vary somewhat based on the situation and the individual. However, there are some more universal signs of addiction that can be looked out for. The following are just a few of those signs and symptoms:

• Loss of appetite
• No longer caring about appearance or personal hygiene
• Not being able to stop drinking and using once started
• Engaging in risky behaviors
• Exhibiting excessive mood swings
• Losing interest in activities and hobbies once enjoyed
• Isolating away from family and close friends
• Struggling with sleep cycles, including sleeping too much and not sleeping enough (hypersomnia and insomnia)
• Feeling anxious, nervous, or overly “stressed out”
• Having feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness (depression)
• Committing self-harm or harming others
• Having suicidal ideations

Unfortunately, people often minimize the signs and symptoms of addiction (as previously mentioned, as a “choice”). However, as one can see, these symptoms can be extremely serious. This is why reaching out for professional help as soon as signs appear is so crucial. Doing so could mean the difference between short-term side effects and long-term consequences. Addiction can truly be life and death.

Understanding People, Places, and Things in Recovery

In 12-Step recovery, it is often mentioned that people should be wary of “people, places, and things in recovery.” But, what exactly does that mean? It means that there are certain triggering factors that can be very dangerous and lead to a relapse. This is especially true for individuals who are new to recovery.

Now, what exactly is a relapse? Many people think that it is simply picking up the drink or the drug. However, it can go much deeper than that. According to the United States Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), “Relapse is both an event and a process. A lapse is the initial use of a substance after a period of recovery; a relapse is continued use after the initial lapse. The relapse process often begins long before the individual uses the substance,” and it “can start with letting go of some of the changes the individual has made in recovery, and reverting back to old patterns.”

The good news is that relapse does not have to be a part of anyone’s recovery journey, or if it has already happened, it does not have to become a chronic issue. The key is to keep taking the next right action and avoiding toxic, people, places, and things in recovery. 

Avoiding Toxic People in Recovery

Many people feel like they will not be able to have relationships after they enter treatment and recover. They feel like their lives will never be the same. The reality is that they are right – their lives will never be like they were before; their lives will be infinitely better. Their lives will be beyond what they could have ever possibly imagined while they were still in active addiction.

However, there are certain people that one should be wary of when they are in recovery (especially new in recovery). These are people who are still in active addiction, as well as people who do not support one’s choice to be sober. The first group of people should not be judged, they are just sick people who have yet to recover and get well. The second group of people simply do not have one’s best interest at heart and it is not worth losing one’s life for one of these individuals (remember, addiction is life and death).

The good news is that recovery is the perfect place to make new healthy relationships and mend relationships back to a healthy place. The key is to be a good judge of character and “stick with the winners” in recovery. This simply means to associate with others in recovery who are also passionate about sobriety. It is also important to avoid certain places in recovery.

Avoiding Toxic Places in Recovery

The fact of the matter is that there is almost no place on earth that does not have some form of toxic temptation. For example, just think about all of the liquor advertisements that are plastered all around the world. Think about all of the discussions about legal cannabis. Also, think about all of the behavioral temptations that are online, such as shopping, gambling, and pornography. 

This reality could be very scary to an individual who is new in recovery. The thought of “Where can I possibly go to be safe and sober?” comes up a lot. The reality is that if one is vigilant, one can go anywhere one wants to go in recovery. As far as toxic places go in recovery, there are the obvious ones such as bars and clubs. However, these establishments can even be frequented if one is aware of their motivations for going there.

This is why one must always be honest with themselves in recovery. After all, it ultimately comes down to the individual to get and stay sober. If one has the intention of going to a restaurant to meet a friend then the intentions are pure. However, if one has drinking on their mind, it is probably best to avoid the engagement altogether and call someone else in recovery (which is also why having a strong “sober network” is so important). It is also important to avoid toxic things in recovery.

Avoiding Toxic Things in Recovery

So, what does “toxic things in recovery” mean exactly? Toxic things in recovery simply refers to things in recovery that may trigger a relapse. Yes, of course, these are things like alcohol and substances, but it could also mean other things that could lead to alcohol and substances.

These may be things like “chat rooms” online that have a lot of toxic behaviors. It could mean explicit or sexual materials that could lead to “acting out” and ultimately to a drink or a drug. Toxic things in recovery could also look good externally. For example, exercise is very good for recovery. However, some people choose to replace alcohol and drugs with exercise and it becomes a dangerous compulsion that could lead to a relapse.

Many people are unaware that exercise addiction is even a real thing in recovery. It very much is. According to the peer-reviewed journal Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, “Exercise addiction (EA) is a dysfunctional behavior characterized by exaggerated training, loss of control over exercise behavior, and negative life consequences that could be physical, psychological or social, or a combination of the three. Research interest in EA is continuously growing. Most growth occurred within the past 12 years, culminating in the last two years.” The good news is that with a healthy recovery plan, exercise can be a good thing in recovery and not the other way around.

Things in Recovery to Best Ensure Success

The key to a successful recovery is to “stay in the middle of the herd.” This means that one must stay connected to their recovery group and treatment plan.

This treatment plan should be full of various modalities. The more recovery modalities the better. These include psychotherapies like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), experiential therapies like nature immersion therapy and surf therapy, and holistic healing methods like yoga therapy and mindfulness meditation. 

Psychotherapy in Recovery

When it comes to “things in recovery,” there may be none better than connecting with a quality psychotherapist. A good psychotherapist can help an individual struggling with addiction get to their underlying issues and better understand the root/core causes of their problems. This is especially true with CBT.

CBT can be particularly beneficial because it helps an individual better understand their negative underlying beliefs. According to the peer-reviewed thesis Cognitive Behavior Therapy,
by Doctors Chand, Kuckel, and Huecker, “Underlying beliefs shape the perception and interpretation of events. Belief systems or schemas take shape as we go through life experiences. They are defined as templates or rules for information processing that underlie the most superficial layer of automatic thoughts.”

When these underlying beliefs are addressed, an individual can begin to shift their negative thinking and emotions so they can ultimately then shift their negative behaviors or actions. Once this happens then an individual has much more freedom and safeguard from relapse when they interact with people, places, and things in recovery. 

Working With Others in Recovery

As previously mentioned, having a strong sober network in recovery is critical. This network is one that can be called upon whenever something triggering arises in recovery. Also, having a strong sober network works both ways.

There is a paradox in recovery that goes, “You have to give it away to keep it.” This is what working with others in recovery is all about. Not only can one help get someone else sober, but doing so keeps themself safe and sober as well. It’s a win-win!

Working with others is so critical in recovery that it is even discussed in the primary text of the Twelve Steps (commonly referred to as the Big Book). The Big Book states, “Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking [and using] as intensive work with other [people in recovery]. It works when other activities fail….You can help when no one else can.” It is truly a life-saving community.

The Importance of Individualized and Comprehensive Addiction Care

It is also important to understand that not all recovery centers are built the same. The reality is that treatment and recovery is now a billion-dollar industry. With that influx of money has come some predatory bad actors that care more about their financial bottom line than they do about their clients well being. These are also the same recovery centers that only offer “one-note” overarching treatment plans that don’t focus on the individual.

Here at Exclusive Hawaii Rehab, we understand that recovery plans like these rarely work. This is why all of our recovery plans are individualized from the very start. This is how one can eventually feel safe being around people, places, and things in recovery. It is also how one begins to heal at the cellular level.

Healing at the Cellular Level With Exclusive Hawaii Rehab

Here at Exclusive Hawaii Rehab, we believe that healing must happen at the cellular level. This is why all of our means, methods, and modalities focus on the deeper underlying issues of addiction.

Yes, here at Exclusive Hawaii Rehab, we believe in “Aloha Aku No, Aloha Mai No.” We are here to give our love to you until you learn to give it to yourself. Recovery is out there. We can help.

It can be difficult to ease back into everyday life after treatment. This is especially true when it comes to being around others who still drink and use substances. The good news is there are many effective tips and tools to help navigate such types of toxic situations. If you feel like you or a loved one is struggling with mental illness, addiction, or co-occurring disorders, we can help get you on the right road to long-term recovery right away. You don’t have to go through this process alone. For more information about avoiding toxic situations in addiction recovery, please reach out to Exclusive Hawaii Rehab today at (808) 775-0200.